間違いやすいミスを含んだ状態のライティング
Nowadays, money is one of the most significant materials in our lives. To many people, it is appropriate to marry for money rather than love. However, I believe that both love and money should be bounce together in any marriages.
Certainly, money is an important part in our lives . It is hard for any persons to accept a partner which* does not have money or at least a job to take care of future family. Hence, said “marry for money” also has its right in some extent.
However, love should be the root of any marriages .
Firstly, it is because love is such a glue to connect two persons which have their own lives, become one . So, they can share each other’s the sadness, happiness to overcome any difficulties in daily lives. Moreover, love makes people growing up because they do not only have responsibility to themselves, but also to their partners as well. That is why marrying with love is always encouraged.
In my opinion, I think that both love and money is both necessary . Marriage relying on money would be rapidly disintegrated when unfortunately the money is run out. In contrary*, marriage relying on love would sometimes come to end when they could not earn money to carry out family, such as paying bills, buying food, etc. Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage even though their contribution could be unbalanced .
As we have seen, marriage without either money or love would come to an unhappy ending. So I believe that they both have their own contribution to a merry family.
添削してみましょう
灰色で囲まれたところは、青字に直すべき表現
斜線で消されている部分は、赤字に直さなければならない部分
Nowadays, money is one of the most significant materials in our lives. To many people, it is appropriate to marry for money rather than love. However, I believe that both love and money should be bounce bound together in any marriages any marriage(*5).
Certainly, money is plays an important part in our lives. It is hard for any persons any person (*5) to accept a partner which who does not have money or at least a job to take care of their (*1) future family. Hence, said the saying “marry for money” also has its right in is also right to some extent.
(*1) 英語では、主語が抜けてはいけません。
However, love should be the root basis of any marriages. Firstly, this is it is because love is such a glue (which is) connecting to connect two persons love is a kind of glue that bonds two people who which have their own lives, become one.
So, they can share each other’s the sadness and happiness to overcome any difficulties in their (*1) daily lives. Moreover, love (*2) makes people grow growing up because they do not only have responsibility not only to themselves but also to their partners as well.
That is why marrying with for love is always encouraged an advantage.
(*1) 英語では、主語が抜けてはいけません。
(*2) Causative verb（使役動詞）の場合、動詞はbase form（原型）です。let, make, have, get, helpを使用する場合は注意が必要です。
In my opinion, I think that both love and money is both are necessary. Marriage relying on money would (*3) be rapidly disintegrated when unfortunately the money (*4) is run ran out. In on the contrary, marriage relying on love would sometimes come to an end when they could not earn enough money to carry out family duties, such as paying bills, buying food, etc.（正式なライティングでのetcの使用は避けます）
Therefore, for the above reasons, love and money should stand together in co-exist within marriage even though their relative contribution to it could be uneven unbalanced.
(*3) 間違えやすい部分です。お金に頼った結婚は、壊れやすいという表現ですが、ここでは、結婚が（主語）うまくいかない（述語）という能動態の表現なので、受動態ではありません。
(*4) whenでつなげている文の前が、willの過去形であるwouldを使用しているので、時制をそろえてran outにします。
As we have seen, marriage without either money or love would come to an unhappy ending. So I believe that they both have make their own contribution to a happy merry family.
(*5) Anyの使い方に注意！
いくつかあるかという表現。主に疑問文や否定文で使われる場合には
any ＋ plural count nouns or with noncount nouns
anyと、複数形の名詞か、不可算名詞を使います。
しかし、全ての～という表現の場合には、Anyの後にはa singular noun（単数形）を用います。今回はこちらの使い方です。
